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  • Andrew Keller

Sometimes you just need someone to say....it's gonna be ok


Andrew

This is reposted.


Every morning, Larry and I dig into a quote or idea that has caught our eye. Our hope is that our chat inspires you to never stop thinking and possibly challenges you in a new way. If you'd like to help support the show, please visit patreon.com slash repost it. Thank you for stopping by.


Larry

I have a confession to make to you. And I feel like I might not be alone in this. I belong to way too many streaming services. In fact, sometimes it keeps me up at night and I can't sleep thinking I gotta cut some of these out. It's all because I have this sort of simple informal rule, informal rule that if three people within the same week tell me I got to watch a TV show. I need to go watch that TV show. Yeah, over the holiday breaks. Three people in a row told me I need to watch the TV show Ted lasso. It was on Apple TV. I did not have that subscription. I found out I bought it. It is a wonderful show about a soccer coach at a football coach in America who goes to become a soccer coach in England. He's really optimistic. The boss doesn't like him. The fans don't like him. His team sucks wife ends up divorcing him. There's a really great article in the Wall Street Journal that said it all basically bottles down to this. We all need somebody in our life to just tell us. It's okay. I bring this all up to say that I could be the worst person in the world to tell people it's just gonna be okay. My wife is literally bursting at the seams right now. She's falling apart. The pandemic is getting to her. She's not going to get the vaccine. She hasn't seen her friends and forever. It's going to be dark for a couple of more months. She literally just wants someone to say okay, and I'm always giving her these lists of things she should just do instead. Andrew Keller, are you okay? With telling someone? It's gonna be? Okay. Yeah, I


Andrew

mean, I do it on two different levels. One, the jerk in me is like if someone say, Hey, man, just calm down. If someone's upset, I'd like to tell him to calm down. But in general, I mean, it's kind of like what I always say is like, just I think it's going to be okay, you got to keep going. Because, I mean, I was trying to install my stove yesterday and I bought the wrong hose. I went to Home Depot, they the wrong thing. And when you get mad or get upset, the only thing that's going to come from that is more upsetness. like letting getting enraged doesn't make anything better. But having a positive outlook like, like you said in your premarital counseling, only you can control your actions. And so like, it's up to you to be like, Hey, man, I'm going to be okay.


Larry

But here's the question back to you when you're getting frustrated, because you can't put the stove together. Your fiance walks in and says, Hey, take a deep breath. It's gonna be okay. Do you find that calming? Are you like, shut up.


Andrew

I mean, there might have been a point in that where I would have lashed out but I mean, I had urges to smash it. I was doing it. I went to go get something and I have a low hanging light. And it slammed me in the head so hard, and I just wanted to smash the light. But I was like, it's gonna be okay. I Why don't you say you're the worst person in the world to help someone's gonna be okay, because you're not good at doing it.


Larry

Well, here's what I actually realized I did a little deeper deep into my soul about this. I'm actually Okay, telling someone it's gonna be okay. That's not in my immediate family. Like, it's really easy to do outside of like, my kids and wife. I can I have a sip of that. But like, in like our confined space, I'm not really good at it.


Andrew

I think that's interesting. What is it that makes you okay? Not you just people in general, okay, with like, going out of your way to accommodate strangers, I find like, sometimes we'll be at the store and Nicole will bend over backwards because she sees someone coming and I might be in their way. And she's like, you need to move so you'd like they don't get in their way. But like, your people are more critical or harsher to the people that they love the most are the closest to them.


Larry

Because it's like you're just in a foxhole. And you get tunnel vision. And when you're out somewhere else, you just get a different view of the world and a little more patient, you're breathing in air. Like when you're in the foxhole of my house. Like you just get locked into your habits and you just forget that Hey, man, it's gonna be okay. And you just kind of get wrapped in old patterns.


Andrew

How are you at receiving that? If someone says, hey, it's gonna be okay. You said your wife is busting at the seams. And like, if you're upset if one of your friends or your wife tells you it's gonna be okay. Can you take that?


Larry

That's a great question. As I asked you, I was I was kind of asking myself and I didn't really have an answer. I don't I don't know how like I sometimes I feel like it's patronizing. And sometimes I like maybe I do Buck up a little bit.


Andrew

I think sometimes maybe just like a rule of thumb is if someone's in the heat of it in the foxhole, as you say, don't say it then like if you if I just realized I had the wrong hose telling me to calm down Fine, but like, if you're still stewing on it two or three days later be like, Alright, it's gonna be okay. Take a deep breath. Well, people can't help.


Larry

Can you fake optimism? Like, yeah? Or is that even the ethical thing to do to tell someone? Hey, it's gonna be okay. Do you have to mean that? Or can you just say it to help someone through a tough time?


Andrew

I think you can say you can fake it. I mean, there's the the power poses that people use. That's not really making you happy. But But like, before you go in an interview, you stand a Kimbo, and it gives you this sense of power before you go in. But also, like, I've done it before, when I've been real sad, you just smile, you physically smile, and you fake it. And that makes you feel maybe 1%. Better, but I think you definitely can fake optimism, and at least point you in the right direction.


Larry

But but do you have to feel like, you know, a friend of yours is having a bad day or your wife or whatever? Do you have to you have to, like truly believe when you say, hey, it's gonna be okay to them? Or can you just say that, to help them through a tough situation?


Andrew

I mean, it kind of depends on how you deliver it. You said, You're the worst person to tell someone's gonna be okay. worst person to be like optimistic, because I kind of treat it as like, if they're not asking for my advice. I don't want to give it to them. But if someone I think, does having a different perspective, and your delivery makes a difference on on giving that to someone being like, hey, it's gonna be okay.


Larry

Well, I just think the key thing that made me think about this was my wife, when she has kind of come bursting at the scenes. She didn't want advice. She didn't want perspective. She didn't want anything other than, hey, give me a hug and tell me it's gonna be okay. And I think it's so hard for people to just be like, Hey, man, it's gonna be okay. We want to tell them what they're doing wrong or what they're doing right? Or how to fix something, or how to do something, as opposed to saying, like, Hey, man, it's gonna be okay.


Andrew

Or it's not your fault. I mean, I keep I keep hearing. Robin Williams, every time you say it's gonna be okay. And then


Larry

he backed into the corner. The last thing I would say about this is that we're in a worldwide pandemic, like, That's never happened before. Like, I mean, is there as in my life, it's never happened before. In my parents life, it's never happened before, to happen before in the world. So that's a good perspective. So nobody knew this was coming, like, and so I do feel like it's okay. To encourage others that it's gonna be okay. Because, as you point out, it's happened before we've recovered. We all just need to take a deep breath. And in theory, everything will be okay.


Andrew

Well, again, I think back to do you have to mean it, or does it have to be true? I think, no, I think say it's gonna be okay. And it helps you not focus on the big picture. We've been shut down for a year focuses on you're about to make breakfast and your breakfast is going to be okay. And like, if you focus on little things, because maybe, maybe we're never going to go back to normal. Maybe we're always gonna have to wear masks, we don't know. But it's going to be okay. I think can be more on a micro level PM, like, you're gonna like we're humans, very adaptable. We're gonna we have adapted. And so I think that is going to be okay.


Larry

I completely agree with that. Whether the world gets back to normal, whatever that is. Humans are adaptable. And some something will come out of this. Yeah.


Andrew

Well, if you're bursting at the seams, please reach out. You can find us at repost at podcast on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, I'm Andrew Keller for goodwill hunting, saying thanks for stopping by.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai


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