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How to not take things personally.


Andrew

This is re posted.


Andrew Keller

Every morning, Larry and I dig into a form or idea that has caught our eye. Our hope is that our chat inspires you to never stop thinking and possibly challenges you in a new way. If you'd like to help support the show, please visit patreon.com slash reposted. Thank you for stopping by. I was looking on YouTube and I found this TEDx talk from Frederick embo. He is a motivational speaker, but he became a referee, to talk to learn and speak about today's topic, how to not take things. Personally, I think we talked about this, you say you give up 50% of your fights with your marriage, and I give up but you just concede that half the time you're gonna be wrong. And he has a quote in his speech. He says, do you want to be right? Or you do you want to be happy. And I think that's something that we've talked about before, but it's a good reminder that like, holding on to something like someone cutting you off in traffic and tailgating them is, you're gonna be right. You're like, Oh, you did something wrong to me. But they might tap the brakes, and you might be random, and then you'll be wrong and unhappy. Do you think? Did you What do you think about what Fredrik had to say,


Larry

I really love this speech, I'll get into the details about it later, I loved what he had to say. Me personally, I don't take things from other people. Personally, I had a great experience in high school, I had a really demonstrative football coach, who would just absolutely screen you down, and mfcu and Su and just ride you mercilessly, you also have to then become a family friend. So I would see him outside of a football context. And it really put in perspective that he was not giving you this personally, he was trying to help you to put pressure on you to make your best, by the way that people that he didn't yell it, he didn't care about it. So I really learned this lesson early on that a it's not personal. There are some things just are. And so I've really kind of taken that in my professional life, you work in entertainment, I worked in radio, whatever, like you just can't take that they don't like you, personally, because there's just so many different angles that someone could go to choose one of one of our jobs.


Andrew Keller

Yeah, I think that's really interesting what you said, I'm gonna pivot a little bit from the topic. I mean, you your kids are at a pretty progressive schools, San Francisco is pretty progressive, I feel like society in general, or at least on the coasts of the US are trying to eliminate that type of a coach from kids lives. I had versions of that growing up. And you're right, that the coach that like, sure, maybe 1%, maybe 5%, or just like mean people, but like, coaches that I took, I think I learned how to be less sensitive. And from that I was definitely the most sensitive of three kids. But do you think the removal of that type of personality and saying, hey, whatever you try is good. Like, is that hurting kids overall? Do you see that?


Larry

Man? You know, that's, that's a whole different discussion about coaching philosophies and everything. I certainly think kids need that structure. I don't know about the emfs and all that other stuff, but also to it really applies to bosses. I've had great bosses that are just really strong and give you the business. That's not personal. There. I mean, I've had bosses that do give personal jabs and you're like, oh, it is personal. But the bosses that give it to you straight, it's not personal. It's just business. And I can handle that.


Andrew Keller

Yeah. And I guess everyone's different. At the end of the day, it depends on how you accept that type of coaching, some people are going to completely fold and some people are going to rise to the equation, the equation that's not the right word, something that Frederick did, he had a really cool analogy that I had never heard of, there's two sides of the coin. One is don't take it personally. And the other is take it personally because I mean, there's this self defense mechanism where like you need to understand how to protect yourself, and also be socially aware like if you think everyone has good intentions all the time, you're gonna be the blissful idiot that no one wants to work with. But also like you need to be able to take it in stride so I really appreciated that he says that the there's two sides of it.


Larry

Yeah, the Don't take it personally is assuming the best of someone who he was gives us example at a speech of someone looking at their phone while he's talking. And he says, Well, maybe someone received something on their phone that their mom passed away so then you don't take that personally look at the phone. But then the other guy is taking it personally is we have a saying in our house. It's not rude if it's true. Like you take something personal if someone speaks truth in your life in it triggers you and your if you step back and go like oh, that's true. What they're telling me is true. It's it. They're not trying to jab me it's a true thing.


Andrew Keller

Yeah. And then if the very end of his speech It was worth the payoff for me, he gave this really cool analogy he holds up. He's European. He holds up 20 euros. And he's like, Alright, who wants this 20 euros and everyone raises their hand and then he crumpled it up. He's like, Well, how about now? And then he puts it in his mouth, and spits it out as is How about now and then like squashes it with his foot isn't How about now. And this, as this guy was still raising his hand, he's like, why is like, well, it's still 20 euros, it's like, no matter what people say about you, your value is still the same. And so like you're saying, if it's true, it's fair game, I forgot how you phrased it. But like, you can, oh, it's not going to make you less, it's only going to make you more valuable, because you're going to take that and and maybe become better from it. I just thought that was really on point with a $20. Bill. You know,


Larry

the other things he says too, which I think is really, really applies to this. He gives the example that there are 50 that your brain has 50,000 thoughts a day, and only 10,000 are positive. And I just think our brain is constantly trying to work on the negative and not the positive. So sometimes we just interpret what people are saying negatively, even maybe, if it wasn't meant that way.


Andrew Keller

Yeah, it's like you're fighting an uphill battle already trying to end on a positive note throughout your day. So it's like, just be able to deal with it. So yeah, I mean, all that to say that people don't always have the best intentions, but for the majority of the time, people aren't out to get you person didn't cut you off.


Larry

Well, this is the last thing. I don't take things personally from people. But I do take things personal from the universe. Like when I get in the wrong lawn is like when I get to the wrong line at the grocery store. I'm like the universe is out to get me I take it personal. When someone cuts me off, I'm like, damn it, you're the line the car that I'm driving in is longer. I take things from the universe very personally, I go the wrong way gets stuck in construction. I take that personally from the universe. I know it doesn't make sense


Andrew Keller

is that just and there's no remedy for that the


Larry

unit really isn't. I bet to come to a cut. I've had to come to realize that I just think I'm insane. And I got to drop it. But for a long for most of my life, I take things personal from the universe. Hmm. It's funny, I


Andrew Keller

have a similar thing. I think that no matter what I do, if I have to choose a grocery line, I'm going to pick the longest one I forget Costco gas. I'm going to pick the longest one. But I don't think that's the universe. I just think that I guess you can depend on how you phrase it. I just think that's how how things are and gotta move on. But


Larry

I'm like, Damn, God is cursing me at Trader Joe's right now. Give me the jacker that sucks. Yeah,


Andrew Keller

but maybe if you I tried to say everything else in my life. I'm really lucky yet. So that's a fair trade off. I'll wait 30 seconds longer to get my Trader Joe's then and find other things like one time. Here's a fun random story. One time I was walking into a building in San Francisco going to meeting and I look on the ground now. It's like, oh, there's $100 and I pick it up and I was like, Oh, that was $200. So I went for longer, but sometimes I find 200 bucks on the ground


Larry

now. 200 bucks. See once


Andrew Keller

again, the universe is targeting me. Well, maybe as soon as we stop recording, you should go outside and start scavenging for $200. If you liked the show, share it with a friend. You can find us on social media at repost it podcast on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. I'm Andrew Keller for the long nose man. Thanks for stopping by


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