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Conversations almost never ended when both conversants wanted them to.


Andrew

This is re posted.


Andrew Keller

Every morning, Larry and I dig into a form or idea that has caught our eye. Our hope is that our chat inspires you to never stop thinking and possibly challenges you in a new way. If you'd like to help support the show, please visit patreon.com slash reposted. Thank you for stopping by.


Larry

Okay, Mr. Keller, you know that I love a great conversation. Today's quote comes from an article in The Atlantic, how to end a conversation without making up an excuse. Here's the quote, in this regard, people generally have a poor sense of timing conversations almost never ended with both Converse, since one of them two concluded the authors of a study published earlier this month that asked people about recent interactions, loved ones, friends, and strangers. Just a general overview. When you have a conversation when we used to do that in parties and settings, did you feel like your conversations ended? At the right time? Yeah, I


Andrew Keller

did. Because I feel like I got a good sense of timing, or at least I think I do. But it kind of depends on what setting you're in. Like, if you're at a work event, like it's easier for me to be like, Alright, I gotta move on to do work. Or if you're in a work setting, or with friends, maybe I lingered a little bit too long. Because the saying is, if you don't spot the fool to table, it's you. And so maybe I got everything I wanted out of conversation, and the person was biting their tongue trying to get me to leave. But do you feel like you're in and out? Or What's your deal?


Larry

Well, I think that I enjoy having conversations with people. But I think I wish they were all mostly four minutes shorter. And that's why I resonated with this article. I think we're all thinking, if you're at a parent teacher conference, hanging out with a teacher, or you're at a mixer, you're at a soccer game, you're like, it was fun to meet that person. I wish the conversation lasted three minutes less,


Andrew Keller

not friend of the show, Greg vandenbosch. I was with him one time, and he did something that I envy him in a lot of ways. But we were out at a bar talking to some people, and in the middle of a sentence is like, I'm done with this and he walked away. I could never do that. I think the one time I have like not known how to end it, or in recent memory is when we interview people on this show. And we arbitrarily set a timeline for them to for episodes to be and when we go past that I get lots of anxiety. I'm like, I don't know how to end this. Especially if you get some of those long winded but yeah, it's it's there's I guess different strategies on how to get out of a conversation.


Larry

Yeah, I got 1000 right. I'll do that all I got to go to the bathroom. Oh, let me get something to drink. All the wife signaled me and you go, you move on. Like there's there's a gazillion different ways to do it. But I think the crux of this article is like, how do you do it? Honestly, can you just say, hey, it was nice to meet you. We're doing now.


Andrew Keller

Yeah, I mean, I think probably everyone's gonna be happier, long term. If you do that. It might be a moment of uncomfort in that moment, but you're like, Hey, that was probably done. Something that I appreciate about my relationship with my parents is that like, I talked to a lot of people and like, I gotta call my mom, it's gonna be 45 minutes, and she's gonna want it the first 10 minutes are gonna be Why don't you ever call, we kind of have a standing rule that if I want to talk to them, they're happy to talk anytime call them, they're not going to call me because calling me when I'm not in a good mood is not a fun person to talk to. And I might have a two minute conversation with them. I'm like, Alright, well, I'm at where I need to be. I'm going to go and then we just end it. So the truthful sometimes Nicole laughs at me, I'm like, Alright, well, I'm done. And then like, Okay, and so, it always feels better when you do that. But you can get in a moment of uncomfort Well,


Larry

you literally are doing that with your parents, like the people that know you the best in the world. How do you do that with someone you just met at a social function?


Andrew Keller

I can't I was at a social function recently. And I was there was people I wanted to get talking to, but there was people. I was talking to that I don't know that well. And I was like, how do I get out of this? Like, I don't have a specific I mean, that's my thing at parties that I don't understand how to do is like, I need to go do something else. But like, we're in a confined confined space where it's like they're gonna know that like I don't have something to do. The guys want to be like, okay, inside step away,


Larry

but do that's when you like fake smoking. You're like America gonna get a smoke. sign a million excuses to get out of conversations.


Andrew Keller

Maybe I need to pick up smoking to get out of conversation. I've never I've never tried that one before.


Larry

You know, the sort of back to your spot, right? I have found it easy in a social setting. Go to the bathroom, get a glass of wine, all the wives call on me. There's 1000 ways to get on conversation, but it's the harder ones like in a family setting when you are with someone all weekend, at a rental or your in laws. You can't have gather those conversations. Yeah.


Andrew Keller

Especially when you when you're not having a shared thing to do, like, think about just generically when you're at with family, like if you're not eating, or you're not doing an event, those are when the conversations are most awkward. I think about hanging out with friends, like you're at someone's house. And like you finish your drink. And there's that moment of like, should we have another one? And you're like, you probably shouldn't have another one. But you like talking? So you're like, Yeah, sure. Let's have another one. Like having a shared activity to do helps, helps things, I think, move along.


Larry

Is there any chance that conversations are different out of the pandemic? Like, we're the thing we're like, you know, what, we're all just gonna be completely honest these days? And we're not gonna know. I mean, I


Andrew Keller

don't think so I don't, I think people have adjusted to this new normal. And then whenever things change, again, people are going to quickly adapt. And I think the path of least resistance is what people want the most. And being brutally honest, or being like, I don't like talking to you or I want to move on like, is uncomfortable. And I think for the most part, people aren't willing to do that with people. They don't know that. Well.


Larry

You know, I feel like you do way more than me, that's like the Hollywood conversation, right? You're at a party somewhere and you're talking to someone and they're looking for the next person that they should be talking to, they're looking for a producer. So you're like having a conversation, but they're looking like over your shoulder past you.


Andrew Keller

Yeah, that happens. Like when you when they understand what you're like they feel you know, like, Alright, I know what I can get from this person I can move on. Right when I moved to San Francisco, before I had a job, my friend invited me to a networking event at at&t Park where the Giants play. And before the game, they had a mixer with his law school, and I was talking to this girl and she's like, oh, what do you do? And like trying to make light of it? I was like, Oh, I'm gainfully unemployed. She's like, Huh, and literally walked away. Maybe she had it all figured out.


Larry

I mean, seriously, if she hadn't had it figured out. You know, you're funny. In San Francisco is like business in Hollywood. It's acting. It's like, and then you know, this is the worst one is church, right? I mean, you'll be at like church, and afterwards and you're like, dude, we're church, and you're looking over my shoulder to see you should talk to you next. Like, it's so antithetical the whole thing? Yeah, I


Andrew Keller

mean, I guess it's kind of human nature. And, yeah, it may be that it also is one sided, because if someone's looking towards someone else, once they find that person they want to be talking to that person probably is going to be looking towards another person. Just because it's like, if you're not an equal footing in the conversation, it might go on longer or shorter than you want it to.


Larry

Just full disclosure, I feel like people have way they want way shorter conversations with me than they get because I've got like this litany of things I could talk to people about, like my find out what your favorite sports team is, or your where you grew up. I just have like, arcane knowledge, and I can make conversations go way longer than they should. So as we were having this conversation, I'm like, I bet most people like Yeah, can you use about 10 minutes less than that Larry guy?


Andrew Keller

Well, I think your move though, is you ask questions about them. And that helps you go on longer. You don't start off with Hey, I'm I'm from Whittier. Do you know that best barbecue is on supposedly, you know, down in Whittier. So like, I think that's one way to keep people more engaged is to engage talking about them.


Larry

Yeah, but I still think even they're still like, yeah, could he use stupid tennis lessons back?


Andrew Keller

Well, if you've had enough, Larry, please reach out. You can find us at repost a podcast on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I'm Andrew Keller for the chatty Cathy said thanks for stopping by



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