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An offer can be politely refused, and such refusal must be politely accepted.


Andrew

Is re posted.


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Every morning, Larry and I dig into a quote or idea that has caught


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our eye.


Andrew Keller

Our hope is that our chat inspires you to never stop thinking and possibly challenges you in a new way. If you'd like to help support the show, please visit patreon.com slash repost it. Thank you for stopping by.


Start the show off today with a little bit of classic music because we're looking at Mrs. manners. Miss manners. Miss manners. Yeah, that's right. An offer can be politely refused. And such refusal may be politely accepted. This is in response to this woman telling a story. She was at the hardware store. She had this 60 pound bag of I think mortar. She had something on her on her shoulder and this guy was like, Hey, can I help you? And she said no. And he kept persisting, and it turned in, she's like, stop it. And he backed away and apologize. And I thought this is interesting of where to have the least discriminated against type of people in the world. And so we might have a tone deaf take on this. But like, how do you know when to offer help to someone and when not to I think the first week I was living in Boulder, I held the door open for a girl and she said I don't need your help. So like it's a nice thing to do. And a lot of people like it. But do you have a policy on this? Oh, you're


Larry

trying to touch my ad sensibilities? Aren't you? Mr. Keller? I enemies. The world was a lot different, maybe worse, whatever. back then. You know, I think reading this and listening to this, right? There's a definite yes. And there's a definite No, right. I mean, what's it hurt that you offered to open the door for a woman that you got crazy? Who cares, right? But I often see like, like a blind person walking down the street. And I want to be like, Hey, can I help you? But I don't because I'm chicken. I think the only Wrong answer there is not offering help. And if they say no, who cares? But it's always okay to offer help, right?


Andrew Keller

Yeah, I think it is. And there might be the outliers that freak out. You say I don't need you. But because there's some other trigger. But I guess if if you do offer and someone says no, stop it. But then I guess like, do you step in if someone else if you see it, like, hey, other people are going to be uncomfortable because you keep persisting? It's a hard thing. And I think that people that are going to persist won't listen to this episode. But it's just a hard thing to try to understand what to do. I mean, if you see someone struggling, do you tell one of your kids be like, hey, go help this person? Or do you


Larry

all the time? I way more than help? I tell my kids to help.


Andrew Keller

Okay. And absolutely. Do they do it?


Larry

They do it? Absolutely. They don't have a choice. They really have gotten good at that. You know, cuz back to this article, like, are we taught now that a woman's yes is yes or no is? No, we're supposed to take them at their word. So if you try to help, and they say no, that's it. Right. And no one can fault you after that. If they continue to have trouble with whatever they're doing. She said, No, you're done. That's it. But at least you helped.


Andrew Keller

Yeah, I think this specific example is pretty clear. I mean, Miss manners is responding to an outlier situation. I think for the most part, I would guess 99 maybe 100% of the time if you offer help. And someone says no, like, it's gonna move away. The what got what got me going down. This rabbit hole was like our manners dead. Or I mean, you said being an 80s. Kid, I think just like how society has changed on how we interact. I think if someone rings your doorbell, that's weird. It used to not be people are on their phones. Or if you say hello to someone on the street, sometimes that's weird. And I think it's just we've adjusted as a society to a different normal.


Larry

The big one for me living in San Francisco is giving up a seat on the bus for a woman. But you don't do that anymore. Like it's it's insulting to them. I never do it. I do it for all people. I never do it for a woman. Like I just, I'll see I'll just look down pretend I'm looking at something.


Andrew Keller

Because you got no so many times or what would not just because


Larry

like hey man, I feel like it's insulting to them these days, like, Hey, we're equal. Like you can stand on a bus just as I can. So you just I just feel like the norm and I don't know maybe I'm wrong. It's just because they were either one concern for young I'm not talking about an older woman. Or like a normal age young lady. What about paying on dates do do Is that like a thing? Do guys now pay on dates? expected to pay on dates?


Andrew Keller

Yeah, I mean, I think that's a coin toss. I mean, we both know single people I was single for a while and I always wanted to pay on the first date. I mean, I guess this is me holding on to whatever norms used to be is like I like someone to offer to reach once they like Oh, let me think No, no, I got it. But if they keep on insisting then it becomes awkward to like alright, I get We can split it. Also, it's easier to split stuff with Venmo now or square cash cash app, so


Larry

I got another one for you. What about shaking a woman's hand? Are you expected to like you're in a group? Are you expected like your chicken? Guys hands? You shake a woman's hand?


Andrew Keller

Was that ever not a thing? Well,


Larry

yeah, I grew up you didn't shake woman's hands, gals. No, you never did. You bow.


Andrew Keller

What do you do? We just


Larry

didn't shake hands. Like if I meet


Andrew Keller

Passover?


Larry

Well, no, but like, in the old days, you're saying like,


Andrew Keller

Girl like your friends normally don't shake Hello? Yeah. Or


Larry

like early in my career. You didn't shake like a girl's hands. You just, you just kind of waved. Whereas you would shake clearly shake a guy's hand. Yeah,


Andrew Keller

I fancy myself someone that always can adapt. And so if I try to read their body language, and if they don't look like they want to shake my hand, I won't. And if they make the move, I'm, I'm definitely and I think maybe I'm more of a people pleaser in that aspect where I'm never going to be the one that hugs Hello, but I'm completely fine with it. If someone else does, I try to go with the flow, which maybe isn't the mismanage right way.


Larry

I want to be more of a guy who like kisses good. Women friends on the cheek, but I can't pull it off like other guys can. There's lots of people I thought was,


Andrew Keller

was interesting. When I when I was in Argentina. A few years ago, everyone kisses Hello, I met I was with a friend or this guy I met and we're walking to the store and we randomly ran into his guy friend on the street. And he introduced me and we kissed Hello. And I was like, What's up with that? It's just our culture. so different. I also remember being out with some, there's a group and a bunch of people peeled off. And at the end of the night, it was like 3am, and I'm with this group of guys from the Netherlands. And we're just like, at this bar on a weeknight. And they're like, hey, let's dance. And me and four dudes is gonna dance at this nightclub. And I was like, I if it was me, you and our dance together, we would get up and dance.


Larry

We did it. Barry's bachelor party was like dancing on the dance floor.


Andrew Keller

Just dudes. Yeah, well, anyway.


Larry

A couple other than, like, I would love to get your like, so do does a guy ever pull out a chair for a woman anymore?


Andrew Keller

Who I haven't done that a long time I try to open the car door often. Okay, that was my


Larry

next one.


Andrew Keller

That's a good one,


Larry

you still do that?


Andrew Keller

I do that actually something that is not very silver. Suddenly, as Nicole carries groceries, a lot of the time, she's got this big purse, and she's got the weight distribution. So we get equal pay on that. But other than that, we try. We try to help each other. So


Larry

I just want to circle back to the article and this guy that clearly they kind of painted out to be that he helped too much with this woman who's carrying this bag that's heavy. And he clearly really tries to help her just to defend him. Maybe he's from the south and was raised that you really help a woman that needs to eat when she's she's being polite. If she says no, but she really wants help. Yes. I'm not saying that's right. But I'm kind of just defending that he really wanted to take care of her. And it wasn't a sexual thing. It wasn't. It was like truly, he wanted to help her.


Andrew Keller

So my pushback on that is maybe but I think I didn't read as a sexual thing. I read it as you're not physically capable, capable of doing this. I need to do it for you. And it was kind of a and that's probably how it was received. So I guess next time I see you carrying a 60 pound bag of mortar. Also, why was it 60 pounds? I feel like they come in 50 pound increments. I'm


Larry

not sure look at you and your knowledge. Lastly, do you think the app the world the average person is getting away from like helping someone winning? If you see someone that needs help? Are we getting away from like saying, Hey, can I help you?


Andrew Keller

I think people are getting away from that because people are so self focused at this point with social media and trying to figure out whatever is up with them. People are not observing as much So yeah, whether they're being selfish or not just people's focuses have changed. That's a bummer. Bummer. Well, if you need directions, don't reach out. We're reposting podcast, Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. I'm Andrew Keller for Tweety birds and thanks for stopping by



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